The same as every Sunday, today started and ended with me not having a clue what day it was. I completely lost track of time, ate lunch at 11am and dinner at 7pm. What the hell happened in between? Fuck knows.
During my 3rd shower of the day – yes I even lost track of that – I had a revelation. An actual realisation of where I have taken myself in my life. Doing good for other people doesn’t ever do any good for me. I’m still waiting for my long overdue good karma from years of being kind and living by my morals. If given the choice, I would always choose for matey next to me to be the receiver of an act of good will. (Usually from me, let’s face it most people are twats.)
But where the fuck has that gotten me? I know you’re eager to find out, so let me tell you. Absolutely dead sodding last. In every part of my life or any new situation, I’m so used to being last anyway that I subconsciously put others first, and that sets a precedent for everyone around me to disregard my needs for now and forever.
Cos when you’re little and learning the basic lessons of life, you’re told, ‘treat others how you yourself want to be treated.’ Well I’ve got news for you pal, no one but us was listening. In fact, I think they chose to adhere to, ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen.’ And I’ll tell you for why, cos if you look at the close friends of a bully, or someone who’s selfish; they’re all spoken to and treated like shit on a donkey’s hoof. But they put up with it and do as they’re told, don’t they? I’ll never understand why, but that’s a rant for another day.
It must be true then, nice guys (and gals and anything or anyone else) finish last. So that settles it then, I’m not gonna be selfish, but I’m not going to be selfless either. When it’s not concerning my wife or my daughter, I’ll damn do what I wanna do. (It’s the same in a same-sex marriage I’m afraid, you do as your wife says, pronto.)