A child, an elderly woman and a vicar walk into a doctors waiting room…

What do they all have in common?

Go on, guess. You’ll never guess. It’s a real thing I swear.

Okay I’ll tell you. They all sit down, take out their phones and take a fucking selfie. No seriously. I mean really? The vicar as well? Was she putting it on the parish WhatsApp group? And then there’s me. 24, unemployed, I won’t lie to you I was wearing my finest pjs… and there I am reading a book. How backwards is that? There’s no point to this story. Just that it’s utter ridiculousness the magnitude of technology today.

Sitting down for a family meal at Christmas is a struggle, me, my wife and my 3 year old daughter are the only ones not looking at a screen of some sort. You couldn’t get the phones away from their hands for love nor money. Bare in mind here that they’re all aged 50 and above. For this reason we have a no phones at the table policy in our house, and no screens are allowed on when we have people over. That’s just our normal and luckily it will be our daughter’s too as she grows up.

It pisses me off to no end when we have friends over for a cuppa and they sit there on their phones. They’re not tending to some extremely important work matter, they fucking scrolling on insta or Facebook. Like bro what the hell? How fucking rude. And they sitting there ignore their own damn children cos they busy tagging 5 friends who are likely to deserve a holiday to Disneyland this year, you know? Like, okay Carol let me take your child’s hand out of the bin, you just relax hun. Shall I change his butt too?

*side story*

When shopping in The Range in Cornwall once, we came across a newborn baby in a trolley, totally on its own. I stood there for at least 3 minutes before the father turned up casually chucking some items in and walking off. Like, hello? Ever heard of kidnap? I was so in shock I didn’t even say anything, what do you even do? What do you say? Do you grab his phone and call his wife like Melissa McCarthy in The Heat?

Wait what was I talking about? Oh yeah, so I think I might buy something that messes with phone signals within 5m of me…

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